Quote of the Day.

“Oh that's nice to start early. Because then you can stop sucking sooner.”

David Sedaris.

Rainy Saturday Drop of Cheesiness.

The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting.  Stage one is the "conspiracy of silence."  This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste.  This illusion is very quickly shattered by the first shy "ouuh, did you fart?" followed by the sheepish admission of truth.  This heralds a period of deeper intimacy, a period I like to call the "fart honeymoon," where both parties find each others gas just the cutest thing in the world.  But of course, no honeymoon can last forever.  And so we reach the critical "fork in the fart."  Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarras, thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved.  Do you see what I'm getting at?

Love and Other Disasters, 2006.

Mutt Like Me.

"With respect to the dog, this is a major issue. I think it's generated more interest on our website than just about anything. We have -- we have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One is that Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypo-allergenic. There are a number of breeds that are hypo-allergenic. On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog. But obviously, a lot of shelter dogs are mutts, like me. So the -- so, whether we're going to be able to balance those two things, I think, is a pressing issue on the Obama household."  President-elect Barack Obama in his first press conference.  

OK, I'm rapidly developing a crush.

Quote of the Day

"In my opinion, the leaders know better, they can choose what's best for us."

Election Stirs Democracy Debate in China, The Washington Times. 

Quote of the Day

I'm sure if John McCain was raped and had a baby growing in his penis, he would want it publicly discussed with the same level of abstraction, without concern for his specific "life", or... "penis".

Samantha Bee on Jon Stewart's Daily Show.  Video here.

Quote of the Day

"Things continue to fall apart."

Paul Krugman in his Monday morning edition of Apocalypse Now.  

Incidentially, the Telegraph ran a story yesterday with a similar message, including this little precious nugget:   

"Western European banks hold almost all the exposure to the emerging market bubble, now busting with spectacular effect.  They account for three-quarters of the total $4.7 trillion £2.96 trillion) in cross-border bank loans to Eastern Europe, Latin America and emerging Asia extended during the global credit boom – a sum that vastly exceeds the scale of both the US sub-prime and Alt-A debacles."

Ouch.

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"We had a relationship that went far beyond friendship. Jörg and I were connected by something truly special. He was the man of my life."

Stefan Petzner, replacement of far-right Austrian party leader Jorg Haider after his sudden death, until those remarks got him fired.  From the Independent.  

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"Twenty-two months ago, He called me to run for United States Congress. And my husband thought, you need to do this. This is a big deal to do something like this. So we set aside three days where we fasted and we prayed, and long about the afternoon of day two, we knew. We knew that we knew that we knew. This was it."

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann in 2006 about why she is running for Congress. Another sad reminder that the separation between church and state is a complete illusion.

2 years later, she seems unlikely to keep her job after this little performance.

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"To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?” To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked. I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?"

David Sedaris in Undecided.